Right Relationships

Just over two months ago I moved to college, which has arguably been the biggest social adjustment in my life, ever. I was excited for what lay ahead, but I was also nervous because I was going to a place where I didn’t really know anyone. Though I had connected with a few other incoming freshman before move-in day, I didn’t have any true friendships. I felt like I was going in pretty alone, and that was intimidating.

I decided I would have to be intentional about building relationships immediately, remembering that I hadn’t done that in high school, and constantly regretted it. I knew that if I wanted to make it through the first months of freshman year, I would need to be surrounded by good people. So, I decided to trust that God would put the right people in my life, but I also understand that I had a responsibility too. I couldn’t just expect friendships to materialize out of nowhere. I had to actively seek them out.

I decided that for the first month of freshman year, I would introduce myself to almost everyone possible. I went to every possible event thrown for freshmen, talked to everyone possible, learned as much as I could and tried to form as many connections as I could.

Though extremely exhausting, this was also incredibly rewarding, and I am very glad I stuck with that decision as hard as it was. During those weeks, I not only formed numerous friendships of all different levels, but I realized a lot about myself during that month. First, it was definitely confirmed that I am, without a doubt, an introvert. But I realized that I am a social introvert; I enjoy meeting people and forming a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. I discovered that I enjoyed talking to strangers, learning about their lives and their stories, and developing a connection there.

It was a true blessing that I quickly developed a tightly-knit friend group. God placed some very wonderful people in my life, and I can already tell that we are going to be friends for years, decades, to come. We are a diverse group of friends. Though we have our similarities, which drew us together, there are major differences in our backgrounds, experiences, worldviews, and personalities. Does that lead to some clashing at times? Of course. But iron sharpens iron and we have all grown together in these weeks.

However, during these weeks, something else began to develop, even though I didn’t realize it at first. A new idol began to grow in my life, one that I was both unwilling and unable to identify at first. It was the idol of “relationships”. I had unintentionally elevated my relationships and my friends to a place in my life where that was all I was concerned about. I focused on and worried about human relationships, rather than investing myself in my relationship with God.

I have always struggled with being a people-pleaser, but this really came out as I labored to maintain a growing number of relationships. These were good relationships, relationships I firmly believe God placed in my life, but I was no longer pursuing them in the way I should. I became more concerned with making sure that everything was right than actually investing in the people. I was struck suddenly by this a few days ago, when out of the blue a friend reached out and asked if she could pray for me. In that moment, I realized that I needed to completely reevaluate my mindset. Though I had been praying over my friendships, it had always been “God help me find friends”, never specifically praying for my friends. In my mind, I was still the most important thing.

And that is not right relationship.

I realized that I hadn’t been trusting in God to be present in these relationships. Not only had I internally placed the focus on myself, but I had placed all responsibility on myself, rather than trusting that God, too, can work in these friendships. That it wasn’t my duty to make sure that everything was perfect. Why was I so stressed? Because I was (am) stubborn and refused to trust that God could take care of things.

I’m still in the process of changing my mindset and approach, but I have tried to be intentional about being the friend God was calling me to be, not necessarily the friend I felt I needed to be or others wanted me to be. Since I have taken this approach, I have found myself even more immensely appreciative of the friends I have. I can see God at work in all of our lives, and I am excited to grow and watch my friends grow over the next four years.